


Until You Come Back Home

by kaasir



Category: Marvel Cinematic Universe, The Avengers (Marvel) - All Media Types
Genre: Angst, Eventual Smut, Explicit Language, F/M, Fluff and Angst, Heartbreak, Implied/Referenced Brainwashing, Killing, Magic, Memory Loss, Psionics, Romance, Slow Burn, Some Humor, Tragedy, Triggers
Language: English
Status: In-Progress
Published: 2018-08-20
Updated: 2019-04-03
Packaged: 2019-06-30 01:29:53
Rating: Explicit
Warnings: Creator Chose Not To Use Archive Warnings, Graphic Depictions Of Violence
Chapters: 7
Words: 16,139
Publisher: archiveofourown.org
Story URL: https://archiveofourown.org/works/15741360
Author URL: https://archiveofourown.org/users/kaasir/pseuds/kaasir
Summary: After S.H.I.E.L.D's successful capture and conversion of the Winter Soldier from HYDRA's influences, you were put in his place and known as HYDRA's personal grim reaper. Their Angel of Death.You couldn't remember anything prior to five years since your life with HYDRA started. You've always shown loyalty to the organization, and did your missions without question. You wouldn't dare let them down - especially him: the one you call "Father".But why do these nightmares keep coming back? Who are those voices plaguing your head? And who’s cerulean-green orbs keep flashing in your mind?





	1. Chapter 1

_The ground beneath you shook, your unstable and bleeding body toppling over. You winced in pain when you felt the large chunk a purple crystal protruding from your abdomen, dulling your powers and minimizing your superhuman strength. Your body refused to repair itself with it so deeply embedded in you. “Get up!” You heard someone shout beside you. You felt strong arms hoist you up and sling an arm around you, letting you lean on them. “Come on, love, this is no place to die. I won’t allow it. You’re safe. You’re with me. I’ll get that out of you once we’re away from all this, I can’t risk you bleeding more right now.” They said soothingly as they readjusted their arm holding you up. “Just keep walking, we’ll make it. I’ll make sure of it.”_

_You felt tired. You didn’t want to move, but you obeyed them anyway. They guided you in a quick but manageable pace for you, considering your battered body._

_“Guys!” a woman’s voice crackled in your earpiece. “I just got out in the field, the jet’s up and running. Everyone accounted for?”_

_“I’m flying up there now,” a man’s voice replied. “Cap’s got Banner with him. I haven’t heard from Reindeer Games or Psycho Witch yet.”_

_“We’re getting out,” your partner grunted beside you. “I’ve got her. We’ll be there.” They pulled you tighter against them as their pace quickened. “Please just hang on a little longer. We’re almost there, sweetheart.”_

_Suddenly you heard a crumbling sound from above. Your eyes widened as you glanced above as the ceiling started to collapse piece by piece. You looked at the exit, which was a good several feet ahead._

_You wouldn’t make it in time at the rate everything was coming apart._

_But you also knew that you wouldn’t let them die here with you._

_You stopped dead in your tracks, shifting your body away until you were resting your hands against their chest in a pushing position. “What are you doing?! We have to go, now!” They shouted. You looked up into their eyes. You wanted to remember them in these last moments._

_“Thank you for everything,” you whispered. “For being the best partner that anyone could ever ask for.”_

_“What?! What are you saying?!” You smiled and cupped their cheek while grazing your thumb across them, swiping away tears that managed to fall. Your heart broke at the sight of those tears. You leaned up and let your lips press against theirs, your own tears spilling as you did. You pulled away to drown yourself one last time into those bright blue pools which were wide with panic and confusion. “Live for me, my love.”_

_With the last bit of strength you could muster, you pushed and sent their body flying with such speed and force towards the opening. “NO!” they screamed. You heard a thud when their body landed on the ground in front of the building. They scrambled to get up, but as soon as they did you felt something heavy collide with you, trapping you to the ground. Soon, more debris started piling on top of you. One particular slab of the building fell on top of your right arm and shoulder while another on your right leg. You screamed from the pain of snapping bones and bloodied limbs. The crystal poking out of your body dug itself deeper as you were pushed more into the ground by the heaviness of the wreckage._

_Anguished screams of your name followed. You weakly lifted your head to see their face. From a distance, you could make out their pained expression._

_One last time._

_Darkness came when the exit became blocked with more rubble._

_Crushed by the weight on top of you, you felt everything inside break more and press the life out of you._

_Nothing and everything hurt at the same time._

_With a shaky breath, you succumbed to the dark, your last thoughts drifting to the muffled cries of your name from a distance._

 

Your eyes snapped open and you immediately pulled yourself up to a sitting position, panting heavily. You looked around your surroundings. Same dull, dark room. Same bed. Same everything. You slowly laid your head back down into the pillow and stared at the ceiling.

Those dreams again.

You didn’t know what they were, or what they meant. They occur every now and then, but never have they been as vivid as this. It almost felt real. As if it REALLY happened.

You shut your eyes and furrowed your brows, pushing those thoughts at the back of your head where they belonged.

You got up from the bed and made your way to get ready for the day and prepare yourself with whatever mission you would be assigned to. You had a quick shower, and as part of your normal morning routine you studied yourself in the mirror afterwards. Your body – or what was left of it – was covered in metal. The whole of your right arm traveling up to your shoulder was replaced with vibranium alloy. Same thing applied with the whole of your right leg and both of your feet. Your stomach and lower back was also covered in the metal in a diamond shape. The rest of your body that kept its human physique and normal skin was littered in multiple scars. Most of them from missions for HYDRA, others you couldn’t recall.

Every time you stared in the mirror, your mind always wandered to the past you couldn’t remember. You knew there was a time, somewhere, somehow, where you had a normal body. Maybe even a normal life. You often wondered how you came to be. You shook your head and buried those thoughts, glaring at your reflection. _What matters is you’re here now. The past means nothing. HYDRA is home._

You dressed in your usual combat suit HYDRA provided you with. You wore a black catsuit with a black corset donned with multiple straps and leather pouches to hide your various bombs, poisons, and other smaller weapons. You strapped on the rest of your pouches to your legs, along with several hidden daggers. Sure, you could conjure them easily with your psionic abilities, but you can never be too careful with your missions. You pulled on your black fingerless gloves and slipped on your half mask, which covered the lower half of your face. You finished the look with a hooded cloak with HYDRA’s symbol etched onto the back and your knee-high black combat boots.

After glancing one more time at your mirror, you left your room and headed to the control room.

There he stood, stationed right next to a HYDRA employee looking at their monitor. Father. Five years ago, you found yourself waking up and strapped in a cryogenic chamber. A man in a white lab coat greeted you with a smile. With a heavy Russian accent, he introduced himself as “Father”. No other name was given. You didn’t know who you were, why you were there, and where you were, and felt anxious and pained in most areas of your body – particularly your arm, abdomen, and leg. Besides the anxiety and confusion, you also felt incredibly tired – as if you’ve just been woken up after being asleep for a long time.

He explained to you that day you were on one of their missions and had injured yourself in the process. If not for HYDRA retrieving your body, you would have certainly rotted away in that crumbling building.

“Our enemy, S.H.I.E.L.D, left you to die there,” he said. “They think of themselves as heroes and saviors, when they are just wolves in sheep’s clothing. You tried to reason with them, _dócha_ , but they would not listen.” He moved towards you and gently stroked your cheek. “They detonated the bomb planted in the building and wanted to leave your corpse to mingle with the other poor souls trapped there. Many died that day,” he paused to look in your eyes, which just stared him down while listening intently to his tale. You did not remember any of this – except when he mentioned a crumbling building, flashes of being trapped under concrete and metal appeared in your mind. Hate and anger started flowing through you for the said-enemy. “They want humanity to crumble. To destroy each other. We, HYDRA, want only want the best for humanity. To guide it in the right path.” He stepped back as two soldiers helped you out of the chamber and seated you down on a metal chair three steps away.

“They took one of your brothers, the Winter Soldier… Barnes, betrayed us.”

 _Barnes_ … you faintly remembered that name. His first name started with a B as well. Buster? Bruce? More flashes of colors and faces started rushing in.

_Metal arm._

  _A captain of blue and white._

_Laughter._

_A red metal suit._

_Hammer._

_“Hello Lady, coffee?”_

_Red hair._

You whimpered in pain as the throbbing in your head grew and pulled at your hair.

  _Arrows._

_“Hey there, Psycho Witch! Come to the lab real quick, there’s something we need you to look at.”_

_Crying._

_Screams._

_“Banner, this crystal…”_

_Green and gold._

_“Good morning, angel.”_

Father watched you closely. “No matter,” he whispered. The solders started strapping you down to the chair. “I will make them go away. And you will be reborn.” A leather strap was forced in your mouth and you saw two metal arms of the machine come down on the sides of your head. The last thing you remember was the electrical power surging through, then darkness, and waking up feeling nothing but a certain anger and coldness.

The Father leaned in.

“Who are you?”

“Death.”

“And what is your purpose, my dear?”

“ _Revenge._ ”

You were brought back from your thoughts you heard the Father's voice. "Reaper." You immediately shifted your attention to him, eyes trained on him as you approached his side. “Look here,” he instructed while pointing to an image on the screen. “S.H.I.E.L.D agents will be arriving in this area sometime today. They were sighted in a temporary base not far from this location.” He pulled up a hologram of the region you were being assigned to. “You will be stationed here,” he zoomed in on a small structure. “We have them believing that that is our main base. They’ll be most likely planning to ambush and destroy it. Your mission,” he turned to face you. “Kill as many of them as you can. Show them no mercy as they have done to you.”

Your clenched your fists and quickly dipped your head, acknowledging his order.

 

Your jet delivered you along with several other HYDRA soldiers to your destination. You immediately took up your post and scanned the area before taking a seat cross-legged on the grass. You closed your eyes and decided to meditate. After what seemed like an eternity, you heard the quiet snap of a twig behind you. You opened your eyes and slowly stood up, poised and ready for any attack that may come your way. You heard the person creep closer and closer. Before they could blink, you immediately sidestepped and swiftly kicked them right at their face. You felt their head snap to the side as your metal foot came in contact with their jaw. With a flick of your wrists, you conjured up red streaks of energy resembling daggers. Without giving them enough time to recover, you ran up to them and started swiping your weapons at them. Each slash of your daggers was only met by swift dodges from your opponent. One swipe was able to successfully cut a portion of their long, raven hair that poked out of their golden, horned helmet.

The man suddenly conjured up his own daggers and started to strike against you. You ducked and swept your leg under him, making him fall to the ground with a grunt. He quickly rolled over before you could jump on him and stab his chest. As you scrambled to get up, you saw him multiply into several versions of himself around you.  However, your telepathic senses easily told you which of the illusions was the real one. You quickly pinpointed him and started stalking towards him. His eyes widened momentarily at the realization that you could see through his tricks and summoned his clones to start attacking all at once. In the midst of your distraction fighting his copies, one managed swipe their dagger at your face cutting your mask off your face while another grabbed at the hood of your cloak and used it as leverage to throw you in the opposite direction.

You crashed hard on the ground creating a small crater in the earth. You got up and summoned a bolt of your energy which elongated into a glowing red spear. You turned around to face them, your body squared and ready like a tiger preparing to pounce.

The man stopped mid-stride. His hands started to shake as he dropped his daggers. His mouth hung slightly open, shock etched onto his pale features. You saw his eyes starting to mist with tears.

_Those eyes…_

You felt your own hands shaking and the beat of your heart thumping loudly in your chest though you didn’t know why. Your body and instincts felt a sense of recognition upon seeing him fully, but you were pretty sure you’ve never seen nor met this man in your entire life.

He let out a single, choked sob.

“You’re alive?”

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Sooo y’all’s combat gear was inspired by this:  
> https://www.rhyannavl.com/assets/public/files/styles/blog_photo/public/Masked_woman.jpg?itok=W-59jpfs  
> https://i.pinimg.com/736x/4b/1c/d8/4b1cd871571f66271e0b7d388dfd8948.jpg
> 
> It’s from a video game called “Thief” and these cosplayers did the female version of the main character. Never played it, but hey the outfit looked pretty cool, and they did a marvelous job at their costume.  
> Also, Доча (dócha) means daughter in Russian. I’ll be using the Romanized version of Russian words and posting in the notes their meanings and Russian characters.  
> Aaaalso, the reader’s powers are very similar to Psylocke (great character by the way, really badass).


	2. Chapter 2

Tony leaned against the table with his cheek rested against his palm as he twiddled with a purple crystalized fragment. Across from him stood Bruce who was immersed with various test tubes, two opened laptops and various papers containing graphical data. Stark inwardly sighed as he drummed his fingers against the side of his face. He was _so_ close to getting an answer on what that thing was when he introduced the crystal to you that day of the mission.

_You studied it carefully, holding it inches from your face. You gave the crystal a single, sharp tap on the side and widened your eyes as it started emitting a soft glow and small shocks traveled through your body. You immediately dropped it back to its container and shoved it far away from you on the table. “Hey, you okay?” Bruce’s peered at you and his hand raised to rest on your shoulder. You ominously stroked your arm, smoothing away the goosebumps that crawled across your skin. “Banner, this crystal…”_

_You were interrupted when a hologram screen flashed above you, Tony, and Bruce in the lab. Director Fury’s face fizzled into view. “HYDRA forces have been spotted near an abandoned chemical building. Several of those people missing from months prior have also located there. Probably used ‘em as test monkeys or whatever the hell. There’s also possibility that there’s more of those chunks you guys found. Pickup will be in an hour. Get the subjects out, get the crystals, and shut. Those. Bastards. Down.”_

_Tony turned to you and nodded. “We’ll talk about that later.”_

Little did he know that day, you were never able to have the chance to voice out your opinions on the unnamed specimen. Tony felt his heart sink deeper in his stomach the more he kept thinking about you. He would never admit it to anyone in the team, not even to Pepper, but he deeply missed you – someone he had come to care for as a younger sister. He had met you in an underground freakshow in the darkest parts of the city during an undercover mission to track down one of HYDRA's operatives who frequented the area. He knew and saw before his own eyes the torture many people put you through, just for some sick entertainment. He saw how the man who claimed to be your “master” would whip you mercilessly while the crowd shouted for “the freak” to show more tricks like making them levitate or manipulate small animals like the sewer rats to dance before forcing them to kill themselves after. He didn’t know why he immediately felt drawn to help you. He’s seen many individuals who have gone through worse things, and never bat an eye. Yet there you were. He remembered your shivering, silent form as he approached your cage after the show…

_“Hey, kid…”_

_You looked up at him, eyes shining with fresh tears. He held out a clenched hand through the bars of the confinement. “I’m Tony. Tony Stark.” He opened his hand to reveal a granola bar. “It’s food. I bet you’re hungry.” You simply stared at it and glanced back up into his brown eyes. “I’m not gonna hurt ya. It’s just food.” You slowly crawled over to him and reached out a trembling, scarred arm to take the peace offering but were stopped when you heard the gruff voice of your master shout._

_“Ey lil’ witch! Didn’t I say not to talk to no fuckin’ strangers unless it’s showtime?!” You flinched when you heard an empty bottle crash on the bars near where you sat, its glass splinters showering on you and leaving more cuts. “For fuck’s sake, can’t even fuckin’ listen to no directions. Lil’ shit ya are.”_

_You scrambled away from your visitor and cowered away into a darker corner of the cage. You saw the master wobble over to where he stood as he lazily scratched his potbelly. His matted long hair was tied back in a haphazardly manner and looked like it had been doused with sweat and grease. The Avenger stood up straighter, arms crossed and assessing the slob before him. The master loomed over him, his foul breath stained with alcohol and what smelled like vomit that it took all of Tony’s will not to turn away from the stench. “What’s a lil’ shit like ya want ‘round these parts, eh?”_

_“How much for the girl?”_

_The master chuckled darkly. “Oh buddy, that_ thing’s _not for sale. She’s a keeper.”_

_“I said,” he pulled out a wad of cash. “How much for the girl?”_

_The master’s eyes widened in glee, entranced by the delicious currency held by the billionaire. “All a’ that.”_

_“Deal.”_

_He safely escorted you out of the run-down building and led you to his car, his hand running up and down your shoulder in a soothing manner. “C’mon kid, let’s get you cleaned up when we get home.” He gave a small smile. “You’ll like the others.”_

He was pulled out of his thoughts when he heard Bruce call out his name. “What?”

The scientist held out a phone. “Fury.”

 

“Brother.”

Nothing.

“Loki.”

Five more minutes passed.

“ _Loki.”_

No response.

A sigh. The blonde Asgardian leaned against the doorway with his arms crossed and expression furrowed in concern as he studied his younger sibling seated cross-legged on the floor with various pictures and trinkets scattered around him. Every so often he would run his fingers over an invisible line across a photograph, then switch over to a new object to inspect.

Thor’s eyes roamed your room – now abandoned and untouched except by Loki. A wall was dedicated with polaroids of you with various members of the team. Some were individual shots: Natasha with a hand up to shield her face from the camera, Tony slumped on the couch hungover with his face covered in red marker, Steve’s signature captain smile while looking up from the computer with Banner. He smiled faintly when he came across a picture with himself carrying the biggest grin on his face and his muscular arm slung around a smirking Loki. A small bookshelf sat in a corner, filled with your own collection you have gathered from various trips to the nearby bookstore (some of them “accidentally” stolen from different libraries that you simply “forgot” to return) as well as those that the God of Mischief gifted you with over the years. A desk stationed near your bed was filled with an assortment of unfinished sketches and drawings. Your bed was the same way as you had left it the day you had your last and final mission with them – sheets ruffled and pillows in a disarray. A stuffed pink bunny lay in the middle of the bed, its beaded eyes forever fixated to the ceiling. No one had bothered to tidy it up just to keep the feeling that you were still around, much less face a furious Loki for even laying a hand on your belongings.

Thor’s attention drew back to the raven-haired god when he heard shuffling as he switched over to a new photo to gaze at. He let another sigh escape.

“Loki… please.”

“It’s been five years, brother,” he murmured so softly Thor wouldn’t have given the thought he spoke at all had he not seen his lips moving. “Today marks five years...” His voice trailed off as he traced your smile on the new picture he held, thumbs brushing over the glossed paper. “Of all the thousands of years we have lived, who would have thought that five years could feel like an eternity?”

Thor felt his heart clench at his brother’s words. He looked away and his lips pulled back in a firm line. “You know you can’t keep doing this to yourself.”

“Doing what exactly?”

“This, Loki!” Thor waved his hands at the assorted objects on the floor. “Hurting yourself over and _over_ again. This isn’t healthy, nor should it be continued. She would have wanted you to let go –”

“What would you have known what she wanted?!” Loki’s eyes flashed with sorrow and anger. “She always was, no, _IS_ the only one for me. This,” he gestured to the strewn items, “is what’s keeping me sane every _second_ , every _minute_ , every _hour_ , every _day_ , every _week_ and _month_ and _year_ she is not by my side.” The hand unoccupied with your picture balled into a tight fist as if your very memory was threatening to escape his grasp. “Had I known that that day would have been her last, I wouldn’t have spent that morning screaming at her, blaming her for…”

His head dipped down low, shoulders shaking. He turned slightly to let his gaze rest on a small, velvet green box that lay on your bedside table which housed all of his dreams for the future and love for you. The thought of him never being able to give it to you before your passing lingered through with a wave of bottomless regret each day. “This is the only way I can repent for that sin, and many more I may have committed against her whether she knew them or not.”

Thor was saved from voicing out any more of his pleadings on the subject when the elevator revealed a cross-armed Stark striding up to them.

“Hey Reindeer Games, Point Break, suit up. We got new coordinates on HYDRA’s location. Fury wanted us there five minutes ago.”

“But what about our annual gift? Will we have time tonight…?” Loki glanced over to the billionaire’s direction, a wordless mist of disappointment hung in the air at the thought of going on another mission without you, his one and only partner, much less on your _death_ anniversary.

Stark glanced quickly around your room and took a slow intake of breath. “Suit up now. The faster we get this done with, the more time we’ll have to send her one. C’mon.”

The team arrived at the location Fury’s coordinates landed on later that day. When the jet’s engines whirred to a slow hum and the stairway was laid out, they started disembarking one by one, save for the Black Widow who opted to stay behind in the jet and keep guard, and Barton to accompany her. The Winter Soldier stepped to the ground first and looked around. “I don’t like this… Something’s feels off, Steve.”

“And that’s why we’re here to check it out and fix it, Buck.” He clapped his shoulder.

As soon as the others stepped off, he looked over to a suited-up Iron Man and gestured with a nod to move forward. “Let’s get this over with.”

 

Loki decided to take his usual lone-wolf scouting, trudging the land jadedly. He heard the others report encounters with HYDRA agents in their earpieces and dealing with them. Loki sighed. He was tired, and bored, and wished he stayed behind with the assassin and archer. His presence would surely be unwelcomed, but it was better than being out here by himself. You would have made things interesting, he mused. You knew how to keep things lively with him while also being serious with the operation at hand. He stopped when he came across a field where a person clad in black garments sat. He stalked towards them slowly, but before he realized it he had been kicked in the jaw and already being swiped at by said opponent.

He growled as he felt his daggers materialize, delivering his own strikes. It wasn't until the middle of the fight where your face came into full view that he realized just who he was battling with.

"You’re alive?”

You both stood there awkwardly yet still stanced for an attack. Confusion and other strange emotions permeated the air with a foggy thickness. You cocked your head to the side as you assessed the god. He let out a small smile and a breath of a laugh, tears starting to form at the corners of his eyes. “You’re alive!” He started to stride over to you with arms outstretched, his cape dancing behind him. Immediately you let your guard back up and gripped tightly on your psionic spear, holding it in front of you and ready to draw blood. He stopped in his tracks, smile slowly fading and replaced with a look of doubt and distress. “Angel… it’s me. Loki. Do you not know who I am?” Your eyebrows furrowed more at the endearment, concerned and agitated with the effect that word had on your heart. You closed your eyes and groaned as you felt another episode coming on.

_You felt someone nuzzle the side of your face as your mind slowly pulled you out of your slumber. “Good morning, angel.” You cracked an eye open and stared into deep pools of green. You smiled and buried your head deeper in the crook of their neck, inhaling their slight minty scent mixed with leather. You felt strong arms pull you closer and a kiss to your forehead. You felt yourself fall back into unconsciousness, knowing you were safe and taken care of._

Your momentary daze from the strange man broke when you felt something hard collide with your side, sending you flying to a nearby tree. You picked yourself off the bark and rubbed your back, looking around for whatever hit you. You saw a metal shield of some sort marked with a star in the middle surrounded by rings of red and silver. Your head snapped back to the sound of crunching boots on grass quickly approaching your direction. You were met with a fist thrown right at the side of your jaw, but you quickly retaliated by landing consecutive kicks to their face, upper body and legs.

Rogers shook off the momentary pain you inflicted on him and reached down to retrieve his shield. He was just about to land an attack when he glanced at you, eyes shining in recognition and unbelief. “It can’t be…” You growled as you pulled your hood over your head, and with a wave of a hand your face mask appeared once more. Sensing another figure behind you, you spun around and elbowed them hard with your metal arm. You were surprised to feel another limb also covered with the same type of alloy shield themselves from your strike. “No, wait, stop!” you heard someone cry behind you. Before your enemy could react, you held out the other hand as your energy surged through him, rendering him unconscious and flying through the trees.

You turned back to your other two opponents, who were still rooted and stunned by your presence and seeming to know who you were. You glared and pushed yourself off the ground, levitating in the air as red streaks of power fizzed in your hands. A menacing, red glow clouded over the entirety of your eyes, leaving no trace of white and irises as you forced your powers to seep in their minds and controlling their movements. They struggled against your hold as you made them kneel before you.

Loki strained to look up at you with pleading eyes, silently begging for any recollection of who they were – who _he_ was to you. You raised a hand to land a powerful strike on your subdued foes when you felt a blast hit your back. Your dark cloak billowed angrily from the explosion and you craned your neck over your shoulder. A man in a red and golden iron suit flew over you and started propelling more beams at you.

“Tony, stop!” The Captain shouted. “She’s not an enemy!” Stark looked down at his colleague in disbelief. “Not an enemy? Your asses were about to be thoroughly fried had I not come in!” He returned his attentions to you as he kept firing. Unfortunately, none of his attacks seemed to be affecting you. You still held your position in the air with a force field now forming a protective sphere around you absorbing all his onslaught. Your glare hardened, and your clouded eyes shone a brighter red than before. You raised your metal arm and flicked your wrist, sending the man to redirect his attacks towards his teammates instead. “What in the Nine do you think you’re doing?!” Loki yelled, waving his hands as his own protective layer of magic shimmered in front of him. Rogers held up his shield and stood his ground as the assault continued. “It’s not me! I can’t stop it!” Stark tried to release your grip from his mind to no avail.

“What’s happening?!” Shouted Natasha over the comm devices. Steve huffed out your name. “Nat, she’s alive. And really, _really_ wants us dead right now.”

“What?!” The red-haired woman looked over to Barton, who held the same dumbfounded expression as her.

Tony couldn’t believe it either when he heard Rogers say it was you. It couldn’t be. And if it was, why the hell didn’t you come back sooner?

You saw them starting to get weaker, their inner turmoil of refusing to fight you yet not wanting you to continue your aggression was exhausting them physically and mentally. You were about to send a wave of energy accumulating in the palm of your hand when you felt the hairs on your neck tingle. You quickly flew to the side before bolts of thunderous lightning struck where you once were. There on the ground stood Thor, hammer in hand and looking up at you with fierce intensity. He roared as he hefted himself into the air with sizzling energy ready to transmit a powerful blow.

You quickly forged a red sword crackling with your own energy and blocked his hammer mere inches from you. The two weapons met with a resounding boom, both consumed in a powerful deadlock. Thor refused to back down and pushed against your sword more. Loki called out your name, but you didn’t acknowledge it nor seemed to even know it was you he was shouting for. This, however, didn’t go unnoticed by the thunder god as he searched your eyes and sure enough, he felt some sort of familiarity within them. You narrowed your gaze and pushed yourself away from him, still floating in the air. Thor landed with an ungraceful thud as he rolled himself back up to his feet. You dove in with your sword raised and ready to land a blow when you were suddenly intercepted by a bellowing green mass. The giant tackled you to the ground, fists pummeling your disoriented body.

Hulk roared and took hold of your metal leg, pulling you up in the air and throwing you from side to side as a tantrum-filled child would to a rag doll. You felt the rugged ground scrape against your cheeks and temples, sharp pebbles grazing across your skin and the dirt lodging itself in your gashes. You felt the monster halt his actions and voices crowding you. You felt your mind drift towards the darkness, the Father’s voice inaudibly crackling in your earpiece – no doubt asking for a report on your mission.

The Avengers approached your form, passed out and motionless on the ground. Thor reached down and carefully removed the mask, exposing to everyone to see it was indeed you and not just some haunted figment of their lost member. Loki kneeled next to you and laid his hand on your cheek, softly grazing his thumb against it. They all exchanged glances at each other before returning their attentions to the scene in front of them, one question resonating in their minds.

 

What happened to you?

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> And that's it for now! Hope you guys enjoyed this new chapter. I'm not much of a big fan using (Y/N), but there might be cases in some chapters where I'll end up using it. As much as possible though, I won't be. Just felt like I should throw that out there  
> I MIGHT be a bit slow updating cause of college and trying to keep up with my classes. So thanks for understanding, and I'll update as much as possible as we progress with the story!!  
> Feel free to leave some comments; lemme know what you guys think, and if ya have any questions and/or concerns! Kudos are much appreciated!
> 
> Hope y'all had a great week, and I'll see you next time. :)


	3. Chapter 3

The doctor paced back and forth in his office, grumbling at his miscalculations. He had screamed in vain on the communication device earlier calling out for your report, but only the sound crackling white noise greeted him. He thought that only meaningless field agents would scout the area and be easy kills for his project, but not the _Avengers_ themselves. This just made everything more complicated and the risk of undoing all his hard work.

That was the last thing he wanted.

_Or maybe…_

An ominous smirk slowly creeped onto his aging features as he stopped mid-stride in the middle of the room. No, he figured. Perhaps this little… slip-up was not a complete misfortune. He just needed to wait for an opportunity.

After all.

There is the saying: keep your friends close, and your enemies _closer_. He patted his coat pocket, feeling the weight of the shard in there. Yes.

He just needed to wait.

 

_You screamed in agony through the leather bit in your mouth when you felt another wave of electricity surge through you from the machine. You were tightly bound to a metal chair preventing you from thrashing too much, yet your body couldn’t help but still convulse violently with each powerful shock. You had come to the Father that morning, telling him of your recurring nightmares. He held a grim face, something danced in his eyes that you didn’t understand. Fear? Worry? But it was hidden again with a small smile. “Don’t worry, we have a remedy for that.”_

_Two soldiers grabbed your sides and hauled you into a dark chamber, the same one you had awoken in._

_Which lead to now._

_The Father stood in front of you, watching your pained expression as you panted harshly from the procedure. Your head slouched over, your head feeling like a scrambled haze. You forgot why you were brought there to the first place. How did you get here again?_

_He slipped his hand in one of his pockets and pulled out a small purple shard holding it close to you. “Reaper.” You weakly looked up at him, head slightly tilting at the foreign gem. He gave it a single tap and the shard started to glow._

_Your eyes glazed over in a shroud of red._

Your eyes immediately flew open as you shot up from where you laid. You frowned in confusion at the unfamiliar setting. You were in some kind of prison pod, doused completely in white and surrounded in a glass window. A single light source emanated from the ceiling. The only furniture that decorated your space was the small black bed you were currently sitting on. You noticed that your pouches and other weapons you had were no longer on your person, and were stripped down to only your black catsuit, boots, and gloves.

You growled as your eyes flashed a dangerous red as you assessed your surroundings one more time. You stretched out your hand and gave your wrist a flick, willing your powers to break the glass containing you. Nothing. You blinked. You did the same movement over and over again, but not even a single crack appeared. You looked at your hand and saw a shiny metal peeking out of your sleeve. You rolled it up and saw a metal cuff secured around your wrist. Same thing with your metal arm. You frantically patted yourself down for any more restrictions placed on you and felt a metal choker locked in place around your neck.

No, no,  _no._

This wasn't supposed to happen. 

You had failed your mission.  _You had failed your mission._

What would HYDRA think? What would the  _Father_  think?! No. You refused to believe yourself incapable of handling your job. 

You needed to get out of here. Kill everyone, and get out. All be damned. You were entitled to your mission no matter what, and you will NOT accept this failure!

You started to pull at the metal band around your neck first and resisted the urge to cry out in pain when you felt a burning sensation. You didn't understand why you felt so weak that you couldn't even break a stupid piece of metal, much less get hurt by it. You tugged and tugged to no avail. You moved on to the ones on your wrists next, slamming your arm repeatedly against the wall and pulling at them despite the burn. Nothing. You did the same with the metal arm.

Fuck. It was WAY worse on that arm. You felt sharp spikes of electricity run through the metal and hit where it connected to your skin as you kept clawing at your restraints. Not even a budge. 

Frustration and anger flaring up, you let out a deafening scream and proceeded to pound and kick mercilessly against the windows. Breathing heavily, you stormed towards the bed, lifting it by the frame and threw it at the window with much force. The mattress and two pillows flew to a different part of the chamber with the sheets strewn across the floor in a black puddle.

Your rage continued for another two hours until your throat felt raw and exhaustion overtook you. You threw the broken, bent bedframe on the opposite side of the room and slumped to the ground holding a vacant expression as you stared ahead, trying to see beyond your confines.

You failed to notice a small, unmoving camera watching your every move.

 

The team watched your fit, shocked at the violence you exhibited. Loki held an expression close to sadness and something else. He was undoubtedly elated to find you alive, but the woman on the screen was a vicious stranger. His chest twisted each time you let out a furious shout. Seeing you confined brought him memories of his own incarceration after his attempt to take over New York.

He hated it. He hated seeing you there. He knew the horrible feeling of uselessness, and having your powers restrained. But he didn’t argue when the man of iron suggested putting restrictive cuffs on you, just until they could figure out what was going on with you. He watched you sink to the floor in defeat.

_“Keep her there,” Fury had said earlier in the meeting. He irritably rubbed his temples. “The shit I deal with, I swear… hundred-year-old super soldiers, magic shenanigans, Norse fucking gods, and now? Goddamn zombie witches. Check that off my list.”_

_“Director,” The Captain started. “She’s in there somewhere, I know it. We were able to get Bucky back. Who’s to say we can’t do the same for her?”_

_“Maybe so. But you forget – she’s not human, Rogers. You saw the way she attacked you all. That’s way more dangerous than Barnes over here when he was under HYDRA.”_

_The rest of the team visibly shifted at the mention of the opposing organization. They had seen the emblem on your cloak._

_Stark was the next to speak. “We can’t just keep her down there forever! Maybe when she behaves or something, she can come up to the tower. I dunno! Put her back in her old room or something. Get her to remember!” He felt his own irritation start to bubble up with the whole situation. He wasn’t going to let you rot in the chamber forever. Steve was right. You HAD to be there somewhere. Loki had mentioned your hesitancy to attack when he first saw you until Mr. Red-White-and-Blue over here decided to bash you with his shield. That was proof enough for him._

_Fury sighed as he looked at everyone at the table. “Fine. IF she behaves. You asses are responsible for her. Don’t make me regret it.”_

Loki felt a slight tug on his arm.

“Hey.”

He looked down at the assassin. “I think you should go down there,” Natasha gave a small, reassuring smile. “Maybe you can do something to calm her down. She’s probably hungry by now.” Loki glanced over at Thor’s direction, who gave him a nod.

 

You perked up at the sound of the door outside your cell creak open and your eyes immediately shifted to the approaching figure. His hands were clasped behind his back, and you noticed his cape and helmet were gone leaving his face in clear view. He still sported on his leather armor you saw during the fight. His features were framed perfectly by his black tresses. His blue-green eyes seemed to have a certain warmness to them when he looked you over, but it was clouded over with another emotion you couldn’t quite distinguish.

He reminded you of a god.

“How are you faring, angel?”

There it was again. That word. It felt like each letter punched straight through your gut, but not in a bad way… oddly enough. You decided not to respond and went with a defiant stare.

His lips pulled up in a small smirk and let a humorless chuckle run through. “How ironic this setting is I must say,” he proceeded shift his body down to the floor, sitting cross-legged near the glass. You raised a brow as he continued. “Once upon a time, I was the one restricted and you were tasked to keep watch over me. Oh, the many arguments we went through. Pranking you never failed to get you riled up, my dear.” His smirk grew wider at the reminiscence. “How long has it been since you’ve last had any sort of nourishment, love? Are you hungry?”

Sure enough, your stomach answered loudly for you. He chuckled again. With the wave of a hand, a glass of water and a plate appeared before you. You studied the small crustlike pockets of bread. You carefully poked one of the pieces, and red sauce oozed out mixed with a melted yellow substance. The smell it gave off was delicious, and after contemplation allowed yourself to indulge in the man’s offering.

He watched you eat as he spoke up again. “Pizza rolls,” You glimpsed at him. “They’re called pizza rolls, angel. Stark introduced them to you. You were so adamant on having me and Thor try them. They’re one of your favorites.” They are? Huh. You couldn't deny that these odd bits of filled bread gave you a sense of delight...

The dark-haired stranger slowly stood up and dusted himself off. “There’s something I’d like to show you tonight, angel. I’ll return to retrieve you when that time comes. For now, rest.” He examined the scattered pieces of your bed and gave a small shrug. “Or at least tryto.”

Your eyes bore onto his back as you watched him leave and close the metal door. You leaned your head against the dull, white wall and shifted your empty plate to the side. You crawled over to the mattress and pulled the sprawled sheets off of the floor, succumbing to your tired body and slowly letting yourself drift off to the thought of what tonight would entail.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hope you guys liked this new chapter!! It feels a bit short, so I'll try to make the next one longer for y'all. :) Again, thanks so much for your comments, kudos, and those who bookmarked! It really means a lot to me, and I appreciate all of your support and patience for this story.  
> Wonder what Loki's got planned up for our dear reader?  
> Tune in on the next chapter! 'Til next timeeeeee


	4. Chapter 4

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hey guuuuuys! Long time no update. I'm really, really, REALLY sorry I've been M.I.A. for a little over a month now. Buuuut midterms are over now (WOOP WOOP) Enjoy!

  _You laid back comfortably on the sofa, a glass of red wine floated beside you as you flipped a page of your book. “Hey Psycho Witch!” You offered a small nod, not bothering to look up from your reading. You sensed him coming near you, hearing a couple more footsteps following his. “Yoohooo, I’m still waiting on that proper greeting lil psycho.” You pushed the book higher to cover your face, still ignoring him. You heard a sigh before the paperback was swiftly plucked from your grasp and dangled in front of you before being hidden behind the billionaire’s back._

_You glared up at Stark, who merely grinned. After a moment, you let out your own smile and shook your head. “Hello to you too, Snarky Stark,” You gave another small nod to the God of Thunder standing next to him. “Thor.”, you greeted. “Well, what brings you two to oh-so delightfully interrupt my moment of literary relaxation, hm?”_

_“Got a lil’ assignment for you.”_

_“Oh?”_

_The brown-haired man glanced up at the god, motioning with his head for him to take over. “Yes, Lady Witch. My brother…”_

_“The one responsible for New York, I assume.”_

_“Yes, he has been sentenced by the Allfather to spend some time here on Midgard to recompense for his destruction and errors.”_

_“And you, kiddo,” Tony ruffled your hair as he beamed at you. “Will be babysitting the guy.”_

_You sighed. “Why me?”_

_“Well, Fury said so for one. Aaand you’re more than capable of handling him.”_

_You motioned to stand up and rolled your eyes. “Alright, where is he?”_

Your eyes fluttered open, blinking away your sleepy haze. You slowly sat up and took in your surroundings.

Right. You were in a cell.

You stretched a bit and glanced at the strewn remains of your bed. It was only then you noticed two men standing in front of the glass. One was a tad shorter than the one you encountered earlier. He had short, chocolate hair with a distinguishable goatee and held a serious expression. You could also pick out streaks of skepticism and… sadness?

The other was a bit taller and dressed in all black. He wore a patch over an eye, with the other one set in an angry scowl your way. 

Goatee Guy addressed you first.

“Hey, kid.” 

You felt an odd sense of déjà vu. Except of glass…

_A metal cage flashed in your mind._

You blinked it away and glared at the man. “I’m not a child.”

“Ah, so you still at least remember how to talk. Good, good.” Goatee Guy crossed his arms. “So what have you been up to these past years, hm?”

“None of your concern, SHIELD scum.”

“Oh come on, did HYDRA brainwash you that bad, kid? You used to come up with really good names for me.” He let out a small smirk. The other man cut him off before he could speak again. 

“Alright, enough. Let’s go to the basics. Who are you working for?”

You opted for silence as you continued your stare-down with the man. He sighed and held up a remote of some sort. “Don't test me, agent.” He pressed a button and you felt the metal clamps around your wrists and neck sizzle to life. Intense electricity surged through your body for a moment and you fought the urge to yelp. “Let’s try this again.” You shook off the remaining jolts of electricity as you glowered at him through hooded eyes. You saw Goatee Guy wince at the sight of pain being administered to you. "Please, kiddo... just answer his questions." You raised your head defiantly at him before turning your attention back to Mr. Cyclops. 

"Who are you working for?"

"Why, thinking of joining?"

A shock. 

“Why have you been working with HYDRA?”

“What’s HYDRA?”

Another shock.

“We saw their insignia on your cape, Y/N. You’re making this more difficult than it should be. Just answer the question.”

“I don’t know who this ‘Y/N’ is, but I assure you that is not me and have mistaken me for another one of your lost pets.”

“Psycho Witch, please –”

You heard someone clear their throat. 

You three shifted your attentions to the newcomer. “I can take it from here.” Goatee Guy looked relieved to see him there, but Mr. Cyclops on the other hand didn't. "Listen here, I will not have you interrupt any interrogations in session, do you understand Laufeyson?"

The raven-haired prince reached his front in two long strides, and towered over him. "She is not fit to answer your questions, nor will she cooperate under these circumstances. I will only tell you once more," he muttered darkly. " _I can take it from here._ "

Mr. Cyclops let out a huff, and glared back at you one more time before strolling past the Asgardian towards the exit and slamming the metal door behind him. Goatee Guy nodded. "Reindeer Games." The pale man did the same. "Stark." 

The one called "Stark" gave another nod before glimpsing at you one more time, then left. 

“Did you sleep well?”

Your silence only greeted him.

He straightened his form and cleared his throat before clasping his hands behind him. “It appears that you do not have any clearance from the team as of now to be taken out of here. I had hoped they would but… seeing your current state now, they don’t want to risk you turning on them.” He tilted his head. “However, I did promise to show you something tonight. Granted you permit me to do so, of course.”

You tilted your own head with interest. Just who was this man to be doing all these things to their enemy? And to a prisoner nonetheless? You gave a slight nod.

He grinned before waving his hand allowing a green flow of magic to dance at his fingertips. The dull, white contrast of the ceiling soon morphed into the inky pool of the night sky littered with various stars. You looked down and noticed that you were no longer standing in your cell, but rather on the roof of the Avengers tower.

The thought of escaping flitted in your mind but was soon crushed as you realized you couldn’t move at all.

You felt the presence of the man move closer to stand beside you. You frowned at him. “Let go of your hold on me.”

He chuckled. “Ah yes, I know you wouldn’t like to be restrained. You never did. However, even if you could move freely, you wouldn’t have anywhere to go. This is merely an illusion, after all.” He winked. “I thought you would have learned how to perceive between my tricks and reality by now. You’ve gotten rusty, angel.” You felt the telltale signs of a blush creeping up on your cheeks and quickly looked away. What the hell is this man doing to you?!

You heard a loud pop and a momentary flash of light. “Now love, this is the part I wanted you to see. Look up.”

You didn’t want to follow this man’s advice at all, but curiosity got the best of you and you tilted your head up anyway. You became completely entranced with the sight before you. Several colorful sparks blossomed across the sky with scattering pops and bangs.

_You leaned your head against Loki’s shoulder, legs dangling off the roof and happily swinging them. You were excited for the fireworks to come, and seeing as it was Loki’s first time to see them just fueled your anticipation more._

_You felt him shift as he kept looking up the sky for any sign of them. “What could be possibly fascinating about this, dear? You know we can easily conjure them up on our own.”_

_“Noooo, this is different! It’s not the same making them with our abilities. They’re absolutely beautiful.” You smiled up at him. “Back at the circus I was in, it was the only time I could easily sneak out since my master would be drunker than usual to even notice.” You turned you gaze back to the stars. “It’s amazing. I’ve always thought of them to look like flowers blossoming across the darkness.”_

_You heard the team counting down on a balcony below you as they awaited to greet the New Year. You felt a nudge on your chin as Loki tilted your face up to his. As soon as the count hit to 1, he pressed gently pressed his lips against yours. You leaned into the kiss eagerly, and you felt him smile. You both pulled away just in time to see the fireworks light up the midnight sky. Loki gazed at the display and let a content smile rest on his features. He glanced back at you and felt his heart hitch a beat at the sight of you completely mesmerized. The fireworks were beautiful indeed, he could agree to that, but seeing your face light up with the different glows and colors from the fireworks was a vision he found most breathtaking._

And so Loki stood there, watching your face light up the same way it did that eve of New Year’s. He saw the same expression, the same way your eyes sparkled at the sight, and for a moment – he saw his partner, his best friend. Not just the long-lost remains of the woman he loved. He saw _you_.

But that quickly vanished when he saw your hand suddenly fly to rub at your temples, eyes scrunched shut. They glazed over in that same coldness he encountered in battle with you by the time you opened them again. He let the illusion fade away and once more you were in your cell. You noticed he was still positioned in front of the glass pane rather than beside you. It was as if he didn’t move at all.

“How did you like it, dear?”

You crossed your arms. “I see no point in showing me pathetic, noisy bouts of colored fire.”

The hopeful gleam in his eyes dulled slightly hearing your response, the heaviness in his chest returning. But he offered a small smile instead, burying his heartache for a moment. He turned and swiftly exited without another word or glance your way, leaving you to the silence of your thoughts.

 

Loki closed the door behind him, and let out a weak sigh.  He hated this. He hated it all. You were like a completely different person. So quiet. So cold. Even the way you spoke was not the same.

He had hoped that showing you the illusion would spark some memory, some fragment of your shared past. But all he got were your jagged words, completely unimpressed with his efforts.

His index finger and thumb pinched the bridge of his nose as he shut his eyes to the various emotions. He hated feeling so  _useless_. He just wanted you to remember. For things to go back to the way it was.

He wanted it all back. 

He wanted  _you_ back. 

He cursed that day he lost you over and over again. It shouldn't have happened. It  _wouldn't_ have happened had he gotten the both of you out sooner, or at least prevented you from being harmed. Then you both wouldn't be standing here like complete strangers. With you not knowing who you were, and worse, not knowing who  _he_ was and what he meant to you. What  _you_ meant to  _him._

In the midst of his rising irritation and despair with the current situation, Loki snarled and ran his hand through the wall beside him. He felt the drywall cave under his fist, the plaster bending and cracking from the impact. 

He was heaving, which later died down to shuddering breaths as he slowly slid down to his knees. One hand still lay on the wall while the other was clenched tightly in an angry fist. He felt a droplet land on said fist as he squeezed it tighter, feeling his nails dig deep crescent marks on his skin. 

He felt a strong hand land on his shoulder and gently roused him up. 

"Brother."

"Thor, I am in no mood at the moment... Just leave m-"

The thunder god pulled him into an embrace, and Loki did not feel any will to struggle against it. 

"I promise, Loki, we will find a way."

 

Eight months passed since you were brought to the Avengers. There was no sign of HYDRA even trying to contact you, much less try to break you out. Not even a single sign of any contact from Father.

You wondered how much longer you until you could break free.

You became a bit more acquainted with the Avengers. Though you still kept your guard up and reminded yourself that at the end of the day they are still the enemy, you couldn’t help but become more familiarized and – in a way – liking them a bit. The assassin, Natasha, and her little archer companion would bring your meals and strike up oddly engaging conversations with you. Stark would sometimes come down on his own or with Bruce, who you learned had the alternate identity of the green monster. You shuddered the memory of being thrown around like a rag doll. Stark would occasionally tease you, and your hostility towards him soon lessened and became the same teasing manner as him. The Captain came down as well, usually with the traitor Winter Soldier. He held a civil yet kind behavior towards you, and the two of you remained cordial. You didn’t return the same sentiment to Barnes, though. That hammer-wielding one, Thor, would occasionally check up on you and offer a few conversations as well. You learned that he was the strange, raven-haired man’s brother.

You didn’t see that Loki character since his little fireworks show for you.

Aside from the visits of the team’s members gradually increasing to an almost routinely basis over the months in your lonely, bleak cell, so did the nightmares.

You could feel the ache in your stomach, the dark crimson liquid clinging to your suit. The fire licking at your skin. A cacophony of explosions and screams, the smell of burnt flesh, and falling blocks of concrete. Faces you didn’t know flitting in and out, crying out a name foreign to you. Surges of electricity melting away at your head. And finally, your own screams reaching your ears and jolting you awake.

This time however, instead of waking up alone to the darkness of your confinements, you were surprised to find yourself in the company of two strong arms circling you in a protective embrace with one hand gently stroking your hair.

“It’s alright, angel,” the figure shushed. “I’m here, darling, I’m here.” You felt a kiss on the top of your head as your tears trailed down your cheeks.

You shivered and let yourself be engulfed by Loki’s soothing presence.

The nightmares never got this bad. You didn't understand what any of it meant. What all of it was. You cried harder in his arms.

What was wrong with you?

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Aaaalright, and that's it for now until the next update. The next chapter is already in the works, guys, and I'll do my very best to update as frequent as possible as long as I'm able. :D Thank you so so much again for all of your guys' patience with me. Thanks also for your guys' kudos and comments (they always warm my heart to see you all enjoy the story as much as I enjoy writing it so far).  
> Buuut yeah! Let me know what you guys think, and if you have any suggestions for the story then don't hesitate to let me know!!  
> TIL NEXT TIME, FOLKS


	5. Chapter 5

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello hellooooo everyone! Long time no post, and for that I am TERRIBLY sorry. It's been one hell of a semester, but that's done and over with and I'm able to work on this more. And WOW, you guys, 424 hits?? Thank you thank you thank you so much for supporting this so far with your comments and kudos as well! I hope you guys are having a great holiday so far. And now without further ado, I hope you guys enjoy this chapter!  
> Heads up: there's a bit of gore and violence here.

 You both sat there in silence for a good while, with Loki still slowly stroking your hair and murmuring words of comfort. You felt him press kisses to the top of your head, and surprisingly your body did not seem to mind this display of affection. It seemed so normal to accept this physical endearment from him, strange as it is since you don’t think you’ve ever had this sort of encounter with anyone before.

But with him, it just seemed… perfect.

It felt right.

But as nice as this seemed, your brain soon registered the current situation and immediately shoved him as far away from you as possible. He _touched_ you. _Held_ you. For fucks sake, he even _kissed_ you. You could still feel the ghostly presence of where his lips pressed against your head.

What made it even worse for you was that you _let_ him.

There was seriously something wrong with you for even letting this man this close without injuring him in any sort of way.

He looked at you, visibly stunned from your sudden movement, but allowed himself to put more distance between you.

“What the hell are you doing here?” you sneered.

He blinked before straightening himself and steering his gaze away from you, replying in a calm, reassuring manner. “I was merely passing by on my way to the library before your screaming reached my ears. I figured to check on you.”

You irritably rubbed your eyes before continuing to glare him down in the stillness of your dark cell.

“Why?”

He looked at you then. “Pardon?”

_Why do you go out of your way for me? Why do you treat me so differently?_

_Why do you make me feel this way?_

You huffed before settling yourself back in bed, pulling the covers over your body and turning so your back faced him.

“Never mind,” you growled out and closed your eyes. “Don’t bother coming near me again lest you want me to break your neck. Now get out, liar god.”

Loki set his jaw at your tone feeling his heart ache once more. He let you be since that night he showed you the fireworks thinking that giving you time to settle down in the tower and remember on your own would have been enough.

Clearly nothing has changed.

Each moment he spent away from you only chipped off pieces of his hope that you two would ever be together like before. Despite his brother’s attempts to make him feel better, repeatedly telling him that there would be a way, Loki still felt that there was no use.

 _No matter_ , he thought. The woman before him wasn’t _you_ , and he’d be damned if he were to spend another moment reaching out if this impostor wearing the guise of his past love only strived to crush him more.

You felt your bed shift as he stood, and the faint glow of green as his figure disappeared. You shuffled once more in your bed and let out a deep sigh, allowing the familiar loneliness of the night creep in you yet again before succumbing to the dark.

 

Two weeks passed since your encounter with Loki and you were utterly bored out of your wits. You sat on the floor of your cell, twirling your fingers as crimson and amber spits of energy seeped from them and created meaningless patterns. You found out you could at least release some of your powers, limited as they were. Better than nothing you supposed.

You continued drawing out random lines of energy on the space in front of you, tracing paths in the air and flicking your wrist here and there. You failed to notice the Captain enter until he knocked against the glass.

You made no effort to indicate that you heard him and started a round of tic-tac-toe for one. You just finished placing another “X” on the far upper left box before he knocked a little louder, this time disturbing your concentration and letting your game dissipate. You rolled your eyes before leaning back against the cold, white wall and lazily tilting your head toward his direction.

You eyed him before raising a brow. “Well, it seems I have a visitor. Do tell what the new gossip is around here. I’ve been itching for some drama.”

He let out a small smile before shaking his head. “I’m afraid there’s none of that, but you will at least get some excitement today though.” He started pressing the different dials on the keypad to your cell, to which you heard a click and the wall to your right slide open. “However,” he held up the same remote device that Fury. “Under the current circumstances, you’ll still be kept watch. Sorry.”

You slowly stood up and gingerly took a step outside of the cell. He was by your side before you could even blink, gently but quickly slapping on a pair of cuffs that already added on to the ones you already wore. The device hummed to life, stretching its tech over your hands and clasping over like a ball-shaped glove. You delivered Steve the sourest look you could muster and raised your bound hands.

“Is this truly necessary? Have I not behaved enough?”

He grimaced. “Like I said, I’m sorry. But you’ll have them off for the mission.”

“Mission?”

He didn’t respond. Instead, he firmly took hold of your arm as he led you out of your holding area. He turned through the various hallways until you came in front of an elevator. The arrow-up lit up with a small _ding!_ as the doors opened. He guided you in and waited for it to close, pushing the button to the rooftop. Not once did he let go of your arm as you stood in the silence, letting the whirring of the elevator cables drift through your ears as it pull you up.

When the doors opened again, you were greeted with the loud hum of Stark’s airship already prepared for takeoff. He released his grip from your arm and strolled ahead, motioning for you follow. You rolled your eyes and trudged quietly behind him, calculating the ways you could escape your bonds.

If all works out, maybe you could squeeze in killing them to your agenda.

You hopped on the metal ramp and advanced in the aircraft. Strong gusts of wind ran through your hair, making it flick wildly around your face as you felt the ramp slowly rise close behind you. You blew a lone strand of hair away from your face as you trudged further inside and sat on one of the empty seats. You noticed Steve standing beside the Winter Soldier at the cockpit with Natasha, who took hold of the piloting duties.

“Well look who’s joining us on a fieldtrip!”

You raised your eyes at Stark, who was smirking and fully armored in his iron suit. “Welcome aboard, Witchy.” He clapped your back and you immediately shrugged him off. He held up his hands in surrender. “Alright, alright no touchy. Got it, geez. Someone’s cranky.”

“Well for one,” you smiled sweetly as you held out your arms. “I would be absolutely thrilled and less inclined to be… cranky, as you say, if you would so kindly get these goddamned things off of me.”

“Sorry kid, no can do ‘til later. But for now, sit down. Relax. Get out your coloring books or somethin’. Now if you’ll excuse me,” he gave a little wave before moving next to Bruce and started conversing.

You grumbled loudly as you flopped down on one of the seats near Clint, who was filling his quiver of arrows. You were soon joined by Thor and Loki, with the thunder god strolling in and taking a seat across from you. “Lady Witch,” he nodded. Loki, on the other hand, didn’t spare you a single glance as he continued walking towards the seat farthest from everyone else and taking his seat there before pulling out a book.

Somehow the lack of attention from the raven-haired god unnerved you, but you shrugged it off and decided to continue your conversation with his brother.

 “Thor,” you nodded back in his direction. “Would you be so kind as to tell me what we’re supposed to even do?”

“Ah, well apparently there’s trouble up north. There have been reports of an attack from an alien species, no doubt nothing too hard to take care of.”

“So why need me then?”

“Well, it’d be nice to use an extra hand I suppose. Shows Fury that you’re willing to behave in the team.”

You snorted. “And what exactly makes you think that you can trust me to behave?”

“I don’t.”

You raised a brow at this. “Oh?”

“I don’t think that I can trust you to behave. I _know_ I can trust you to behave.”

Thor decided to leave it at that, leaning back against his seat and closing his eyes. You watched him carefully as you assessed his words before leaning back yourself. It still confused you to no end how these people saw you as a comrade despite also being their captive the past several months you’ve been in the cell.

Perhaps they may just be playing some mind game with you to get you turn against HYDRA, like Father would say.

Or perhaps there may be some truth to their words.

 

You stretched as you got off the ramp, appreciating your hands finally having some freedom from being bound together even if the cuffs were still kept on. You were silently happy that Stark provided you with the same combat attire as your HYDRA-issued ones when you suited up earlier in the aircraft. The only thing changed, much to your disappointment, was that your cloak no longer bore the familiar red insignia of your organization. That aside, at least you were comfortable enough for a fight. You pulled up your mask and quietly followed behind the team, already planning your great escape.

You trudged along the empty streets, scanning the battered buildings and broken windows. Small fires littered the vicinity while pieces of burnt paper and debris flitted despondently in the wind.

It was too quiet for your liking.

“Stay sharp everyone.” Cap announced at the front.

You continued to look around then back at the team striding ahead of you. Perhaps you could take out the Widow first, seeing as she’s human and would break easily. Then the archer, another easy kill. The others may take longer though, especially the green one… Perhaps you could test if you were still able to even remotely get inside their heads and maybe –

You felt someone bump into you before you could finish that thought and momentarily throw you off-balance. You glared at Loki, who scowled in return. “Step out of line and I won’t hesitate to put you in your place,” he muttered darkly before continuing on. You huffed at his direction as you resumed your walk.

You were just about to fantasize killing the trickster god when suddenly you heard several screeches coming from the buildings. One by one, black rock-like creatures with lizard bodies crawled out of the broken glass windows. You saw Loki shimmer on his golden horns and materialize his daggers from the corner of your eye. The rest of the team followed suit and immediately started to draw their weapons. You heard Banner as he turned into the Hulk and let out a deafening roar. You summoned your powers to create twin swords that glowed angrily, desperate to draw blood. One immediately leapt at you and you plunged one of your blades in its neck, its black blood spilling over your attire. You threw its corpse away as more and more started to attack your group.

You swiftly dispatched each creature one by one. Your twin swords soon morphed into an elongated scythe which took out more creatures with each swipe of its blade. You twirled it above your head before bringing it down upon another creature’s head, splitting its skull and letting the blood and matter pour out.

You heard someone shout in frustration to your left. You saw Loki trying to hold off one of the creatures that managed to successfully pounce on him and was currently trying to snap its jaws at his face. You were highly tempted to leave him there, tell the team and his brother that you didn’t get to save him in time and oh, boo-hoo what an absolute shame it happened.

Yet somehow it didn’t feel right to do that, and you didn’t know why.

You mentally groaned at yourself, annoyed with these confusing feelings but decided to ponder on them another time. You ran towards the snarling beast and tackled it off Loki. It struggled in your grip as you wrestled it to the ground before twisting its neck. You tossed it to the side before offering your hand to the prince. He took it tentatively, eyeing you with a slight frown. “Thank… thank you.” You both stood there for a minute just looking into each other’s eyes before tearing yourself away from his gaze and running towards another alien.

You were just about to make your next kill when a beam of light appeared as three figures shimmered into view.

They were dressed in dark body suits and heavily donned with black armor. They also appeared to have crystal-like bodies tinged with pink that glittered in the daylight. The tallest of the three, you assumed to be the leader, waved his hand and immediately the creatures surrounding the team ceased their ambush and howling.

“Mortals,” he spoke loudly. “I am Malnyx. We come in… peace. We are –”

“I’m sorry but,” Stark interjected before the alien could even continue. “We don’t exactly feel any sort of ‘peace’ from your puppy dogs of hell. So we’d GREATLY appreciate it if you guys pack it up and get your asses off of this planet. Because last time I checked, Earth is closed today.”

“We are not to be taken as fools. Give us the Mother Gem and we will be well on our way.”

You all blinked. “The what now?”

“We know its whereabouts are here on Earth. Hand it over, and all of this will stop.”

“We don’t have a Mother Gem or whatever the hell it is!” Cap shouted. Malnyx sighed. “Very well then.” With a wave of his hand, the onyx creatures continued their assault. More and more bodies of the creatures littered the streets with each passing minute. Getting tired and irritated, you decided to dodge and hop on each of the creatures using them as stepping stools to run towards Malnyx.

Immediately his two followers dashed in and blocked before you could bring your scythe down. You slashed at both of them, who kept alternating their attacks and pounced at you from different directions. You tried to summon more of your powers to see if you could ease your way into their minds. You groaned when all it brought was a headache, cursing Stark’s cuffs on you. You grunted as you swung your metal leg in a kick towards one follower, perfectly landing a blow on their head and rendering them unconscious. You swiftly moved to the second one, slicing your scythe through their arm and cutting it off. They shrieked in pain and clutched at their bloody limp before you delivered another swift punch, feeling their skull crack beneath your fist.

Immediately, you were pulled roughly by the Malnyx. His flashed with dark glee as his grip on your wrist tightened. “Fascinating,” he murmured. Before you could react, he lifted his hand and touched the tip of his finger on your forehead. Immediately you felt a searing, burning pain. The nightmares you’ve been having every night suddenly came into focus as they flashed through your mind, ending at an image of a massive, glowing stone.

You gasped for air as you were pulled back to reality, crumpling to the ground and clutching your head. The crystal alien smiled thinly at you before leaning down to whisper. “It seems you’ve already encountered it,” he grinned. “Know this: darkness will prevail over you.” He straightened himself up and was no longer smiling though you could still see that same twisted delight reaching his eyes. “We shall be seeing each other very soon.”

He stepped back as a circle of bright light surrounded him. He raised his hand and the creatures instantly fell back from the rest of the Avengers, scurrying towards him before disappearing in a flash.

You breathed raggedly, your mind still feeling like a jumbled mess. You faintly heard Malnyx’s voice in your head.

_Darkness will prevail over you._

Just what the actual fuck. You shook your head, ignoring the pricks of pain that kept seeping in. You barely registered the others running towards you, and Loki being the first to reach you and gently pulling you up. “Are you alright? What happened?”

You shook your head once more, not wanting to talk about it at all.

Natasha sighed beside you. “I think it’s best to just head back for now.”

 

You all were mostly silent on the flight back to the tower save for the one follower who you knocked out earlier and was currently thrashing in their bounds, the gag muffling their shouts of protests. Rogers soon stepped in and threatened in a low voice, eventually getting them to stop and sit quietly. 

You laid back on two of the seats making it into your makeshift bed during the ride. Your eyebrows knit in frustration as you scrunched your eyes shut, head still pounding mercilessly. You heard faint shuffling as someone sat down on the seat nearest you. “Are you alright, Lady?”

“M’fine. Now leave me alone.”

Thor chuckled before moving to stand. “As you wish. Though I just wanted to say thank you. For helping my brother.” You opened an eye in his direction the same time he winked at you. “I told you,” he smiled. “I know I can trust you to behave.”

"Yeah, yeah, yeah," you muttered.

He turned around before moving to the seat next to Loki who glanced at you before turning to his brother. You closed your eye again and adjusted yourself to a more comfortable position, not bothering to hide your own smile from your face.

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooooooooooooooooo we got some interesting things going on here. What do you guys think? Any ideas on what this "Mother Gem" is? What do you think will happen to our dear reader? Please don't forget to leave some comments and let me know your guys' ideas!! Kudos are also much appreciated :) Until next time!!


	6. Chapter 6

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello again, I'm back from the grave college and internships have put me under. ;-;  
> A thousand apologies for suuuch a long wait, and a thousand thank yous for your guys' patience with me. I know I said that I would start updating more frequently. But as I've mentioned... college and internships kind of caught up with me and I've been juggling between the two. BUT fear not, I've been working on this story and rewriting/editing the chapters I've got lined up. :) As well as some oneshots that'll come up sometime!  
> I hope you all have been doing great in your lives right now though!  
> Without further ado, let's get back to the story shall we?

_“Live for me, my love.”_

_He couldn’t understand what was happening. One moment, he had you wrapped around so safely in his arms._

_And the next, you were pushing him. Away from the wreckage. Away from death._

_Away from you._

_“NO!”_

_He let out a grunt as he landed on his back and tumbled to his side, rocks and pebbles scraping through his green and golden armor. His heart hammered rapidly in his chest as he struggled to stand up, barely being able to register the crumbling structure in front of him._

_Still somewhat disoriented, he managed to shuffle away before he could get crushed. He watched with wide, blue eyes; mouth parted in shock as the building toppled down in a heap of concrete and rubble before he could even blink. Broken wood and other items splintered out from underneath the debris. All movement ceased as the wreckage settled in. For a while, time seemed to stand still._

_There was no sign of life._

_He waited for any indication of you, any hint that you would emerge. A hand peeking out, or even a small groan or complaint as he has heard from you in previous missions where you have also been injured._

_Nothing._

_He felt a drop in the pit of his stomach, a feeling worse than falling in the abyss or any other torture he endured in the past. Quickly, he climbed on top of what was left of the HYDRA base. He frantically scampered around the area, kicking pieces of rubble aside, crying out your name. He tried to let his hearing prick at any sort of indication of movement aside from his shuffling._

_His breathing grew faster and more panicked._

_“Love!” he yelled. “My angel, where are you? Where are you?!”_

_He let out a shaky breath as he desperately looked around, not knowing where to even look or trudge through._

_After clambering through heaps of stone and repeatedly calling out to you, he fell to his knees and started to move the slabs, throwing them haphazardly to the side. “Please be alive! You can’t be gone! Do you hear me, woman?! You can’t! Tell me where you are! TELL ME, PLEASE!” He continued the process of digging through, his hands becoming more marred with small cuts and powdered with dust. He panted with each heave and throw. “Please,” he gasped. “I can’t lose you. Where did you go?”_

_Norns, he wanted to throw up._

_“Say something! Let me know you’re alive, damn it!”_

_He threw one more heavy chunk before howling out, his voice bouncing through the collapsed structure and surrounding forest._

_“WHERE DID YOU GO?!”_

_His nails scraped through the broken cement as he clenched his fists, feeling the filth and dust gather up in his fists. Regret, guilt, and agony welled up inside him, threatening to spill over on what was left of his composure. Memories of that morning before boarding for the mission flashed in his mind._

_If only he knew that that would have been his last time together with you._

_How he wished he could turn back time and bite back all the words he had screamed._

_No, he thought._

_How he wished he never uttered them at all._

_“I’m sorry,” he whispered, head lowering to the ground until he felt his forehead kiss the broken Earth. “I never meant it… I didn’t mean it all… I can’t…” He closed his eyes and let out a shaky breath._

_He felt all his promises to never hurt her, to protect her, to always treat her like a delicate flower, was crushed. He practically betrayed her with every syllable that left his mouth towards her not too long ago. And he couldn’t even forgive himself for it._

_And now, he had to pay the price._

_His distraught nerves clouded over him like a storm that would never cease for as long as he lived._

_For the first time since he let you in his life, he felt completely alone._

_Finally, he wept._

Loki awoke with a start, his breath coming in short gasps as he let himself grasp back into reality. Small beads of sweat decorated his forehead, which he quickly wiped with the back of his hand. He glanced at the fixtures around him.

Right… the common room.

The book he was reading weighed on his chest, but not as much as that nightmare his mind decided to gift him with. He closed his eyes and worked on getting his breathing to a normal, more stabilized state. Somehow, he couldn’t help feeling that he was being watched.

“Hasn’t anyone ever told you that it is quite impolite to stare?” he muttered.

He slowly opened his gaze to the sound of movement as you shifted from the wall in front of him to prop yourself into a cushioned chair near where his feet lay, casually biting into an apple.

“You looked like you were having an interesting fit,” _Crunch_. “You kept squirming like a little worm. Plus," You let out a small smirk as you gracefully threw the apple core in a nearby trash bin without ever breaking eye contact. "Did you know you tend to snivel like a pathetic infant?” 

Loki scowled as he moved to seat himself upright, swinging his legs to the floor and swiftly snapping the book shut before laying it on the coffee table before him. He quickly stood and moved to head to the elevators but was stopped when he felt your hand grab his.

“Hey, wait.”

He stiffened at your touch but didn’t bother to turn around nor look at you. Loki’s heart beat painfully feeling the soft warmth of your skin. It was both bringing him a sense of life yet killing him at the same time.

He felt you firmly but gently grip his hand. “I apologize…” you started. “It seemed… like a pretty bad one.”

He turned around then and glowered down at you, but his expression softened for a moment when he saw that you held no malice. He reached out with his other hand to cup your face, tracing his fingers over to tuck a strand behind your ear. His chest constricted and fluttered as he felt himself becoming transfixed on your face. He almost chuckled seeing you with your brows furrowed, with one raised up as if questioning what he was going to do in your presence. You truly looked adorable, he thought. 

His angel.

His gaze shifted to your lips, and Norns above he wanted to feel those lips press against his once more. Memories of stealing kisses during missions surfaced, with him constantly giving childish pecks that resulted in playful complaints about "needy Norse gods". Those sleepy instances where he would nuzzle against the smooth of your neck, feeling the peace you always managed to bless him with surge over in careful, gentle waves as you kissed his head. How mere brushes of those same lips would lead to something more passionate. 

Then Loki remembered that you were gone. All of those were gone. This woman standing before him was merely a shell of your former self.

And his heart hardened once more.

He withdrew his hand back to his side instantaneously before turning around, leaving you at a lost of words and utterly troubled with a certain warmth seemed to linger. 

 

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Kinda short chapter, but the next one should be longer and make up for it :) Questions? Comments? Kudos? Lemme know what you guys think! :D


	7. Chapter 7

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Hello hello helloooo everyone! How are you guys doing?  
> College is making me die more and more inside :') CAN I JUST GET MY DEGREE ALREADY PUH-LEASE AND THANK YOU
> 
> Aaaalso.... can y’all guess the classic I mentioned in here? ;)

You decided to take advantage of your promoted freedom, limited as it is. After your encounter with Malnyx and his alien hounds, the Captain managed to convince Director Fury that you were indeed helpful to the team and to reward you with a bit of liberty. With that being said, you were relocated in what was supposed to be your old room, according to Thor.

You had looked around the small, yet quaint apartment. No doubt it was much better than your accommodations back in HYDRA, and it was much preferable than staying in that bleak, irritating cell. 

Everything seemed untouched for the most part. Your fingers brushed across the furniture, trying to see if you could have any hint to your supposed past. You let yourself feel wooden surface, and ultimately glided along the different spines. You lightly pressed against them, feeling the different textures each book held. Some rough and worn, others smooth, others sported small rips and tears but overall they all held.

You wondered how many times they've been opened with the amount of wrinkles marring their spines. You randomly picked one and eyed over the pages, quickly perusing over each chapter. You stopped over a particular section...

_Most true is it that “beauty is in the eye of the gazer.” My master’s colourless, olive face, square, massive brow, broad and jetty eyebrows, deep eyes, strong features, firm, grim mouth, — all energy, decision, will, — were not beautiful, according to rule; but they were more than beautiful to me; they were full of an interest, an influence that quite mastered me, — that took my feelings from my own power and fettered them in his.  I had not intended to love him; the reader knows I had wrought hard to extirpate from my soul the germs of love there detected; and now, at the first renewed view of him, they spontaneously arrived, green and strong!  He made me love him without looking at me._

Your thoughts went to the dark haired god as you read over it. 

Whoever this character Jane was sounded like she was describing the Asgardian prince. You found yourself looking back on your earlier encounter in the living area, your mind continued drifting more and more on the feel of his touch against yours. 

Cold... but held a certain warmth to them at the same time when you felt him rest his hand on your cheek, his thumb gently stroking it. The way he looked at you gave you a sense of familiarity you could not quite place. It was intense, those eyes. You felt like he was searching for something in you, and you dared him right back with your gaze. 

It made you uneasy, these feelings. Sure, you've had men who found you attractive back at HYDRA. Some of which felt brave enough to bask too long in your company and make amorous remarks, and found themselves on the floor broken and bleeding. 

But this one, you just couldn't explain. Ever since first meeting him on the battlefield the day of your mission, you've had that nagging feeling that kept resurfacing for the irritating god. Ugh.

_ Enough. _

You shook your head to clear it of him and put the book back, venturing out of your quarters and continuing your mini-adventure elsewhere. You decided to give yourself a tour of the tower, occasionally poking your head through empty rooms. 

The dark hallway eventually took you to Stark's lab, and you welcomed yourself in seeing as it wasn't occupied. The room glowed a soft neon blue, much like the billionaire's arc reactor. You saw various sorts of technologies that hung around the room, a few machines with claws for tinkering with finer details. Unfinished pieces of weapons were splayed on some of the tables. 

HYDRA flashed in your mind, and a smirk started to grow. If not now while the Avengers weren't here to babysit you, who knows when the next opportunity would arrive. It'll be quick and easy, and you knew enough programming to wipe any trace of your steps. You went to the nearest computer display and inputted several codes. The numbers blinked rapidly across the hologram as you typed your message quickly, hoping it will reach Father as soon as possible. 

Before you could send it, a slight ringing sound registered in your ears. It was frighteningly familiar, much like...

You turned your head to the direction of the sound when your eyes laid on something glowing on top of one of the tables. A small, crystallized shard no bigger than a pebble contrasted eerily amidst the blue hue of the room. 

It seemed to be... _calling_ out to you... odd enough as it sounded. 

You cocked your head to the side as you studied the small gem. Swallowing seemed hard to do right now, with how uncharacteristically tight your throat felt. You felt ready to retreat. Your eyes narrowed over it. Why did a stone have this effect on you? 

Shoving away at that small voice that told you otherwise, you decided to take it in to give it a closer inspection. Your hands were trembling the moment you made contact with it, suddenly feeling something surge through your system. It was like a icy tsunami hit you, crashing through your skull and flowing right through your veins. Your throat felt raw, but you weren't sure not felt yourself screaming through the piercing chill.

Different events and faces started to flicker by little by little. 

Ones you've only had the chance to see in your nightmares. 

It hurt to completely open your eyes, which unbeknownst to you were blazing a deep red. You squinted through the frigid haze, trying to make sense of what was being shown to you. 

 

_"Hello Lady, coffee?"_

_You paused from your reading to look at the blonde god, nodding as you beamed brightly at him. "Thanks Thor, but I'm still running on the caffeine from this morning. I'm good."_

_He shrugged as he poured himself a cup. "As you wish."  He walked around the counter and plopped himself on the seat across from you. You plopped another pizza roll in your mouth as small, red streams of waves helped turn to the next page._

_"So... you and Loki."_

_You blushed._

_"We're just friends, Thunderhead, it's no big deal."_

_"Oh, really?"_

_You rolled your eyes, pulling the book even higher though the effort was pointless. You heard him chuckle as you tried focusing on the words in front of you. "If I didn't know any better, I'd say you have a - what is it that Midgardians call it? A crush?"_

_"Oh, piss off." you mumbled. "I don't have a crush on him. Besides, even it was the case we both know it would never work out."_

_"Why is that?"_

_"Because..." you started trailing off, eyes no longer able to keep any ounce of your concentration on the printed ink. You sighed. "Forget it."_

 

Another brief flash. 

 

_"Why have you been avoiding me all of a sudden?"_

_You stomped after the retreating figure, trying to keep up with his long strides._

_"It's better this way."_

_"What do you mean?"_

_The God of Mischief turned around, eyes glaring with a shadow of pain. "It'd never work out." he mimicked your words from days before._

_You balled your hands in fists, holding back the warmth that seemed to build from the back of your eyes. "You know why."_

_"Is it because of my heritage? Or the fact I killed and tried to rule your pathetic city?" You felt his anger radiating, his brow furrowed tightly._

_Good lord you really wanted to hit him with how difficult he was being._

_"I'm... I'm unstable, Loki. Why do you think Tony loves to refer to me as the Psycho Witch, hm? Besides that I'm not... I'm weak."_

_Your voice lowered even more as you trembled beneath all the emotions that started to show._

_"I'm utterly weak, Loki. There will come a time when I will die, long before you ever will. I can't bring you to that kind of pain if I allowed you to fall in love with me..."_

_So much for trying to wear a brave face. Tears started to gather at the corners, slowly leaving tracks down your cheeks. "I've had my fair share of people that I've killed. People that have seen me as the monster that I really am." You stared at your hand, the red tendrils of your abilities twisting and turning with each emotion. "I've taken more than I've given. All under the sake of entertainment of cruel people while I was in that hellhole."_

_You clenched your fist, dissipating the scarlet rays._

_"A person like me cannot be loved. Who in their right mind would? So I repeat what I said to Thor. It. Won't. Work. Out."_

Y _ou moved to step away and walk past him, unable to face him any longer, but were pulled back when he grabbed your hand and you landed right against his chest in a tight hug._

_"Who says I'm in my right mind?" he whispered in your hair. "You've shown me more than any woman I have met in the thousands of years I have spent in existence. You've shown more kindness, more faith, and offered me more friendship than any other." He held you tighter. "Indeed you are most infuriating on many occasions, and by the Norns I wanted to break your neck on our first meeting."_

_You snorted, "Indeed. The feeling is mutual."_

_"Nonetheless," he continued. "I couldn't help but develop these... affections for you." He gently pushed you away from him and settled his firm hands on your shoulders._

_"Allow me to show you just what you are, who you mean to me."  You gazed up to drink in those ocean-blue eyes that seemed to shimmer with green with the way the light hit it. Slowly but surely, his lips pressed against yours._

 

You were panting heavily as more and more flashes with the other Avengers including people you've killed seemed to brush past... it was all too much. 

Then something snapped and wrenched you away from the chill, bright light, the stone dropping right back on the table. You blinked and found yourself shivering on the floor, back pressed tightly against the wall on the opposite end of the room. Your message to HYDRA still displayed, ready to be sent. The calming blue glow of the lab space. You just needed to close your eyes for a minute. Get your bearings together. 

You didn't know what the absolute HELL that was, but it sure left you pretty tired. 

Unusual enough was that you couldn't remember  _anything_ you saw. Trying to piece everything together and recall was difficult, and felt like as if waking up from a vividly disorienting dream. 

It only fed an incoming headache that was starting to hit. 

You heard the telltale signs of footsteps approaching but you couldn't give a flying fuck if you got caught now. You just wanted to sleep. 

You barely registered the owner of the lab crouching in front of you.

 

 

You let out an "oomph!" as you landed on your side, groaning as you tried to sit up, too groggy to fight back. 

You felt absolutely drained beyond belief.

You weakly palmed the stark, white floors as SHIELD agents slammed the cell doors shut. 

Tony stood on the other side of the glass, watching you pull yourself up on the small dark bed, his expression never changing.

"Kid, you better explain yourself right now what you were doing up there."

When you didn't answer, he barked. "Kid-"

"Where did you get it?" 

He raised a brow. "Pardon?"

"The..." You tried again, despite how sore it felt trying to speak. "The crystal... thing... where did you get it?"

 

**Notes for the Chapter:**

> Oooooooooo  
> If you guys picked Jane Eyre as the guess as to what that excerpt was from, YOU’RE ABSOLUTELY RIGHT  
> It’s one of my all time favorite books since 5th grade and I thought to do that lil insert hehe  
> Hope you guys enjoyed this chapter! I know it's been a while since I've updated but please bear with me.  
> Once again I'd like to just thank you all for all your lovely comments, kudos, and bookmarks! It really keeps me going, and helps me with my motivation for this story.  
> And just, honestly means a lot  
> Like wow, 759 hits?! CRAZY  
> So thank you again guys, for supporting me despite how bad I am at updating xD  
> Let me know what y'all think, and I hope you're all doing great!!  
> See you guys in the next chapter! <3


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